Two reasons I press on
This past weekend, I was angry with God. I became angry with him because I believed that if I walked like a Christian and talked like a Christian, then I would be blessed – and I deserve to be blessed. You see, I have been unemployed for over a year. This is a hard thing for a man to admit, and even harder to endure as a husband and father. I’ve had “projects” that I’ve done now and again, but they have either been fruitless or lost money. I was angry with God because I believed He blessed me with a way to make some money for my family. I threw myself into this latest project harder than I have any other over the past several years. I took the reigns and sent God a figurative thank-you card for this blessing. I felt that I deserved this blessing for what I had endured for over a year. My family deserved this blessing. I thanked God for giving me what I deserved…..and that was my mistake. How quickly did I forget that God had been blessing me throughout my unemployment by keeping a roof over our heads and food on our table. How quickly did I forget that God restored my relationship with my wife and children during my unemployment. How quickly did I forget that my relationship with Him was fortified during my unemployment. Yes, at first sight of a blessing I tried to “take the wheel” and drive my own destiny. I was angry with God because he allowed my project to be a success, but withheld from me the full fruits of my labor. I was angry because I didn’t understand what message God was trying to send. Then, I remembered a scripture I came across during my studies. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” It was at this moment that I realized that he is not just the God of grace and mercy; but He is God the Father and I fell to my knees in a prayer of thanksgiving.
The Parent Principle
As a parent of an intelligent 8-year-old girl, I find myself bombarded with one question more than any other: Why? She is trying to ascertain my reasoning for some of the rules that we have in place for her. Now, I’m a little country and a little old school; so, more often than not, I find myself responding, “Because I said so…” I remember being her age and hearing my mother use that phrase more than I cared to hear. Yet, here I am as a parent, using the same phrase. Those of you that have read my blog before know that I’m a researcher. My research has suggested that it’s good for parents to use the phrase “because I said so” because it places them in the position of ultimate authority with the child. Ultimate authority means that you are not required to be given an explanation for everything that happens to you. A parents job is to protect and “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). As a father to my children, I make decisions regarding their total well-being. Sometimes I have to make decisions that are contrary to their immediate happiness; but they are decisions that I know will help mold them and teach them how to live on their own and become better people. As “Sille the Father” I recognize this completely. And this is what helped me understand God the Father. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
Conclusion
I saw a sign once that read, “Inside of every Testimony is a Test.” I don’t know who wrote that message, but I know that I’ll never forget it. My unemployment is my test and I have been waiting on my blessing so I can give my testimony. Yet, I have testimony right now. God has kept me and my family. God has shown me both grace and mercy. I believed that a blessing is only a blessing when there is increase to show or miracles to rejoice. But if I stopped and took an accounting of all those things that he blessed me with over the years of my life, He could never bless me again, and I could never thank Him enough. I was reminded this week that He is truly God the Father; and, as His child, I failed Him. I failed Him by questioning his ultimate authority. I failed Him by not pressing through the first obstacle placed in my path. My pastor gave a sermon titled “All Favor Ain’t Fair” and he was right. As a Christian, I must sing praises to God not for what He’s done, but simply for who He is to me. It is with this renewed joy that I face my trials. It is with this renewed joy that I now read 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 with a new understanding. It states, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
That’s just my three cents…
Sill-E
“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”
Next Week: Mercy and Grace are not just names for children.
Sill-E Thoughts 
Zilla
12/22/2010
I appreciate you sharing your story/lesson – you never know who might receive your message and have their faith restored.
SoJo
12/22/2010
I agree w/, Zilla. This post is extremely inspirational and I appreciate how candid it was. Most times, when people are in the midst of a test – they become so overwhelmed that they can’t see the “-imony” as it’s emerging.
I don’t think you failed Him, though. I think you grew in the moment you realized what was happening within you. Spiritual growth and redirection is always a success.
Tengemana
12/22/2010
This is truly an inspirational message, often times we are
so caught up with what we think God should be doing for we fail to
recognize what He has already done….what a timely post.
Cool V
12/23/2010
I’m humbled, honored & inspired to witness your process. Thank you for so boldly sharing you & your family with all of us. You have been such a blessing, &… I’m not gonna freak out about the “mushy factor” of what I just wrote! =)
Monica Williams
12/27/2010
What a word! And right on time! Your testimony and honest
reflection is a reminder to us all that in the midst of the trial
life sends our way that God is forever faithful..even if we don’t
see the outward manifestations of His faithfulness. Bless
you!
T. Aranha
12/29/2010
Bruh. Thanks for this word…. I needed this.
K.I.M.
01/03/2011
Appreciate the honesty. Christians sometimes believe that love/blessings are quid-quo-pro. I do good, I deserve good. I was stuck in that rut. But yep, you are right – like a solid father, God loves us as is, always…it is often us that are challenged to do the same.
Phenessa
01/03/2011
Wow, what an awesome revelation and lesson. I have been out
of work as well and this really hit home. Thank you for your
transparency and sharing your testimony.
findingrapture
06/21/2011
I am 1st of all touched to see a man know himself and pleased that I am not alone in self-examination. You can’t begin to know how as I searched blog after blog,(literally flipping through), you has made me pause and look all your postiing, because I was learning. GOD Bless you. This is your calling. Blessing
sillethoughts
06/21/2011
Thank you so much for this! It’s for people and comments like yours that I continue to post. Let me know if there is a subject you’d like to see me blog about. Thanks again and God Bless!
acsims1
10/06/2012
You are really deep. Now my reason seems small, because of this research, I’ve hit on a deep thinker. Adding you to my favorites. Now my reason was that I was the person that bought your sister’s house. I needed to see if you could ask her if she had service done to the septic system. I realize this is not the best avenue to take but I found a nugget in the midst of it all. Thanks. acsims1@bellsouth.net