My name is Ellis Dean and I’m not perfect.
I know you may be sitting there saying, “So what? No one is.” But how often do we pretend to be perfect? How often do we post our blessings, edit our pictures, and summarize our lives within the prism (or prison) of perfectionism? We work hard to put forth the best image of ourselves. We love to show our friends and family how special and exciting our lives have become. Isn’t this the purest form of perfectionism? And, more importantly, doesn’t this move us further away from truly connecting with one another?
We can choose to be perfect and admired, or to be real and loved. – Glennon Doyle Melton
Atelophobia is defined as “the fear of not being good enough”. I know I deal with this fear daily. Am I a good enough husband? Am I a good enough father? Am I a good enough employee, friend, coach, etc.? We have a seemingly endless supply of insecurities that can paralyze us into inactivity, or can motivate us into creating the illusion of perfectionism. To that end, social media has become the perfect tool (pun intended).
Perfectionism is a dangerous state of mind in an imperfect world. – Robert Hillyer
Posting A New Reality
I don’t have to tell you that I wish I had studied more in college. Nope. I can post a Bible verse, or some other poignant quote that makes me seem deep and profound. I don’t have to tell you about the times I’ve cried in church because I realize how I’ve fallen short as a Christian and relied more on grace and mercy than the talent I’ve been blessed with. No, I can post a picture of my family vacation, dinner at a nice restaurant, or a work meeting with some cleverly worded caption and all is well in the world. At least, so it seems…
Social media was designed for us to stay in touch. It was designed for us to be able to find old friends and classmates and get “updates” on their lives. But, something happened. The more we “connected” on social media, the more embarrassed we became about what we were sharing. We saw what our family, friends, classmates, coworkers, et al were doing and wanted to tell them we were living fabulous lives too. And we told them – even if we had to carefully craft it.
Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect. It makes you feel inadequate. – Maria Shriver
Prison Break
What I’d like to see is for us to eschew the prison of perfectionism. I’d like to say to the world I procrastinate and I worry. I want to be free enough to show my vulnerability while at the same time being free from judgement. Fear of criticism, pity, expectations, unrealized potential, generational curses, pettiness, trolling, etc. has created a virtually inescapable prison akin to Alcatraz. All this fear cannot be healthy.
Perfectionism, aided by social media, has created a new version of obsessive-compulsive disorder, aka OCD. We obsess about crafting the best image of ourselves. We treat ourselves and our lives like a brand. We even call it a “personal brand“. But, is our brand authentic? Our obsession compels us to post more and more. The likes, loves, shares, and comments are a temporary satisfaction on our quest for perfection. We have come to view them as some sort of referendum about what type of person we are, when it really could be that you are a poor brand manager, LOL!
Social media has created jealous behavior over illusions. Sadly some are envious of things, relationships, and lifestyles that don’t even exist. – Unknown
Conclusion
I wish I knew how cure our desire to present a picture of a perfect life to the world. Social media is a drug that any of us can become addicted to – even the president. To break it, we can do one or a combination of the following:
- Limit the number of “positive posts” per week. Sharing our success can be a good thing, but are we doing it to share with our friends or to satisfy our personal desires? Limiting the posts can ween you off the addiction and allow you to remain more connected to the activity itself vs. the sharing.
- Shut down social media when on vacation, at dinner, a party, etc.
- Share a disappointing event or short-coming you may have. You may have missed a promotion, ended a relationship, or are having a bad hair day. Sharing non-perfect events or thoughts keeps your (and your friends’) expectations about you and your life more realistic.
- Ask yourself before a post, “What’s my goal for posting this?”
- Meet someone in person. Sometimes we prefer to live through our crafted brand messaging than in real life. Meeting someone means we have to look them in the eye and work on our people (not posting) skills. #ImagineThat
I hope this post helps you overcome our growing obsession with social media and presenting a perfect image of ourselves. Honestly, I had a hard time writing and posting this blog entry. Why? Simple. I want as many people as possible to read it. I want all the likes and shares possible. I want people to tell me how well I write and how much this post helped them. I want these things because it makes me feel good about myself. In short, I want it to be….Perfect.
#My3Cents
Sillethoughts
Peep my vernacular cuz I don’t know how to act…
Sill-E Thoughts 
Volume 93: The Paralysis of Perfectionism
Posted on 11/12/2018
0
My name is Ellis Dean and I’m not perfect.
I know you may be sitting there saying, “So what? No one is.” But how often do we pretend to be perfect? How often do we post our blessings, edit our pictures, and summarize our lives within the prism (or prison) of perfectionism? We work hard to put forth the best image of ourselves. We love to show our friends and family how special and exciting our lives have become. Isn’t this the purest form of perfectionism? And, more importantly, doesn’t this move us further away from truly connecting with one another?
Atelophobia is defined as “the fear of not being good enough”. I know I deal with this fear daily. Am I a good enough husband? Am I a good enough father? Am I a good enough employee, friend, coach, etc.? We have a seemingly endless supply of insecurities that can paralyze us into inactivity, or can motivate us into creating the illusion of perfectionism. To that end, social media has become the perfect tool (pun intended).
Posting A New Reality
I don’t have to tell you that I wish I had studied more in college. Nope. I can post a Bible verse, or some other poignant quote that makes me seem deep and profound. I don’t have to tell you about the times I’ve cried in church because I realize how I’ve fallen short as a Christian and relied more on grace and mercy than the talent I’ve been blessed with. No, I can post a picture of my family vacation, dinner at a nice restaurant, or a work meeting with some cleverly worded caption and all is well in the world. At least, so it seems…
Social media was designed for us to stay in touch. It was designed for us to be able to find old friends and classmates and get “updates” on their lives. But, something happened. The more we “connected” on social media, the more embarrassed we became about what we were sharing. We saw what our family, friends, classmates, coworkers, et al were doing and wanted to tell them we were living fabulous lives too. And we told them – even if we had to carefully craft it.
Prison Break
What I’d like to see is for us to eschew the prison of perfectionism. I’d like to say to the world I procrastinate and I worry. I want to be free enough to show my vulnerability while at the same time being free from judgement. Fear of criticism, pity, expectations, unrealized potential, generational curses, pettiness, trolling, etc. has created a virtually inescapable prison akin to Alcatraz. All this fear cannot be healthy.
Perfectionism, aided by social media, has created a new version of obsessive-compulsive disorder, aka OCD. We obsess about crafting the best image of ourselves. We treat ourselves and our lives like a brand. We even call it a “personal brand“. But, is our brand authentic? Our obsession compels us to post more and more. The likes, loves, shares, and comments are a temporary satisfaction on our quest for perfection. We have come to view them as some sort of referendum about what type of person we are, when it really could be that you are a poor brand manager, LOL!
Conclusion
I wish I knew how cure our desire to present a picture of a perfect life to the world. Social media is a drug that any of us can become addicted to – even the president. To break it, we can do one or a combination of the following:
I hope this post helps you overcome our growing obsession with social media and presenting a perfect image of ourselves. Honestly, I had a hard time writing and posting this blog entry. Why? Simple. I want as many people as possible to read it. I want all the likes and shares possible. I want people to tell me how well I write and how much this post helped them. I want these things because it makes me feel good about myself. In short, I want it to be….Perfect.
#My3Cents
Sillethoughts
Peep my vernacular cuz I don’t know how to act…
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