We are now a few weeks removed from “The Slap” at the Oscars. Odds are you have formed and voiced your opinion on what transpired that evening. This post isn’t to rehash who was right or wrong that night, and I’m definitely not going down the “he shoulda” or “I woulda” path. Those are hindsight driven discussions and don’t allow for the context of the people who were involved. No, this post is about the moment(s) that transpired before “the slap”. The tense moment(s) as Will Smith made the walk from his seat to the stage. It was during these moments that split-second decisions were made. It was those decisions that impacted everything that transpired afterward and how seven seconds can change your life.
Freedom is a Choice
When I was in graduate school for counseling, I went into counseling myself. Students training to be a therapist are encouraged to see one to work through any issues we may have that can impact our ability to service our clients. One of the most profound things my counselor told me was, “Between stimulus and response, there is the freedom to choose.” This resonated with me as I began to think about many of the regrets I’ve had over my life. I began to ask, “What if I had exercised my freedom to choose another outcome?” How many times have you used the phrase, “I had no choice” when making a decision? Actions and reactions are decisions. They are not automatic. Even when we only have a fraction of a second, we still have the power to choose our response. Recognizing you have more control than you think over situations in your life can be freeing. It can also be life-changing by giving you (back) the control we all search for and sometimes desperately need.
The Seven Second Rule
I once overheard some advice a father gave his son. He said, “Son, in every bad decision we make, there is about seven seconds God gives us to choose a different path.” In that moment, I realized the summary of our seven-second decisions impacts how we are perceived and, more importantly, the path our life takes. For example, in the movie Boyz in Da Hood (Yes, I’m using a movie as an example. Get over it.), after Ricky was killed, Tre and Dough Boy seek revenge. They ride around South-Central LA looking to retaliate on the people who shot Ricky. However, at some point during the ride, Tre decides to get out of the car and go home. Dough Boy et al continue the quest and are eventually successful. However, the aftermath made them targets and he was eventually killed himself. Tre, on the other hand, went on to college with his girlfriend and live a cinematic “happily ever after”.
Now, we know that was a movie and the script was written to make that very point. At the same time, the point was still made. Tre in the movie and Will Smith in real life had more than seven seconds, but that’s not the point. The point is how they choose to use the space between stimulus (Ricky’s death or a joke) and response (kill the assailants or slap the comedian) had an impact on their lives. Here’s a personal example. When I was in the 10th grade, I used to hang out with seniors. I would go to parties with my neighbor and was excited to be invited and included. One night, as we were heading out, they stopped and got beer (don’t ask). As they were handing out the cans, they make the statement, “You drink beer, don’t you?”
My seven seconds began. I had never had beer before. I had the occasional wine cooler, but that was it. But, here I was. I was in a situation that could (and did) have an impact on my life. The action I chose was to say “yes” and suffer through beer after beer that night. My relationship with alcohol immediately became imbalanced. Drinking alcohol as an insecure fifteen-year-old was a poor decision, to say the least. You see, I replaced my personal morals and undeveloped courage for a “liquid courage”. I wasn’t insecure when I was drinking or drunk – and I liked that feeling. No, I loved it. Alcohol became a crutch that I leaned on more than I care to admit throughout my formative years. I never dealt with my insecurity. Alcohol gave me a temporary excuse to be spontaneous and secure and, simultaneously irrational and immature. Those seven seconds changed my life because I continued to make that decision over and over again.
Conclusion
As I’ve gotten older and became more reflective about myself and life, in general, I recognize that people are obsessed with power. The irony of this revelation is we spend way too much time trying to have power over other people. I mean, just turn on any news or media. Fear, anger, sex, money, etc. have all been employed to “motivate” people to do our bidding. And yet, when it comes to our personal vulnerabilities, we claim to be power-less. “I had no choice” or “it just happened” or “I got lost in the moment” are just a few of the excuses we use as cover. Why do we do it? Maybe because it’s easier to use a common colloquialism than it is to admit we made a bad decision. There are entire movies and fantasy-filled musings about going back into time to change the past to impact the present. We don’t need a time machine to go back twenty or thirty years to change our lives. We only need to take control and decide how we choose the next seven second opportunity will be.
#My3Cents
Sillethoughts
“Peep the ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…“
Sill-E Thoughts 
Volume 98: Seven Seconds Can Change Your Life…
Posted on 04/07/2022
0
We are now a few weeks removed from “The Slap” at the Oscars. Odds are you have formed and voiced your opinion on what transpired that evening. This post isn’t to rehash who was right or wrong that night, and I’m definitely not going down the “he shoulda” or “I woulda” path. Those are hindsight driven discussions and don’t allow for the context of the people who were involved. No, this post is about the moment(s) that transpired before “the slap”. The tense moment(s) as Will Smith made the walk from his seat to the stage. It was during these moments that split-second decisions were made. It was those decisions that impacted everything that transpired afterward and how seven seconds can change your life.
Freedom is a Choice
When I was in graduate school for counseling, I went into counseling myself. Students training to be a therapist are encouraged to see one to work through any issues we may have that can impact our ability to service our clients. One of the most profound things my counselor told me was, “Between stimulus and response, there is the freedom to choose.” This resonated with me as I began to think about many of the regrets I’ve had over my life. I began to ask, “What if I had exercised my freedom to choose another outcome?” How many times have you used the phrase, “I had no choice” when making a decision? Actions and reactions are decisions. They are not automatic. Even when we only have a fraction of a second, we still have the power to choose our response. Recognizing you have more control than you think over situations in your life can be freeing. It can also be life-changing by giving you (back) the control we all search for and sometimes desperately need.
The Seven Second Rule
I once overheard some advice a father gave his son. He said, “Son, in every bad decision we make, there is about seven seconds God gives us to choose a different path.” In that moment, I realized the summary of our seven-second decisions impacts how we are perceived and, more importantly, the path our life takes. For example, in the movie Boyz in Da Hood (Yes, I’m using a movie as an example. Get over it.), after Ricky was killed, Tre and Dough Boy seek revenge. They ride around South-Central LA looking to retaliate on the people who shot Ricky. However, at some point during the ride, Tre decides to get out of the car and go home. Dough Boy et al continue the quest and are eventually successful. However, the aftermath made them targets and he was eventually killed himself. Tre, on the other hand, went on to college with his girlfriend and live a cinematic “happily ever after”.
Now, we know that was a movie and the script was written to make that very point. At the same time, the point was still made. Tre in the movie and Will Smith in real life had more than seven seconds, but that’s not the point. The point is how they choose to use the space between stimulus (Ricky’s death or a joke) and response (kill the assailants or slap the comedian) had an impact on their lives. Here’s a personal example. When I was in the 10th grade, I used to hang out with seniors. I would go to parties with my neighbor and was excited to be invited and included. One night, as we were heading out, they stopped and got beer (don’t ask). As they were handing out the cans, they make the statement, “You drink beer, don’t you?”
My seven seconds began. I had never had beer before. I had the occasional wine cooler, but that was it. But, here I was. I was in a situation that could (and did) have an impact on my life. The action I chose was to say “yes” and suffer through beer after beer that night. My relationship with alcohol immediately became imbalanced. Drinking alcohol as an insecure fifteen-year-old was a poor decision, to say the least. You see, I replaced my personal morals and undeveloped courage for a “liquid courage”. I wasn’t insecure when I was drinking or drunk – and I liked that feeling. No, I loved it. Alcohol became a crutch that I leaned on more than I care to admit throughout my formative years. I never dealt with my insecurity. Alcohol gave me a temporary excuse to be spontaneous and secure and, simultaneously irrational and immature. Those seven seconds changed my life because I continued to make that decision over and over again.
Conclusion
As I’ve gotten older and became more reflective about myself and life, in general, I recognize that people are obsessed with power. The irony of this revelation is we spend way too much time trying to have power over other people. I mean, just turn on any news or media. Fear, anger, sex, money, etc. have all been employed to “motivate” people to do our bidding. And yet, when it comes to our personal vulnerabilities, we claim to be power-less. “I had no choice” or “it just happened” or “I got lost in the moment” are just a few of the excuses we use as cover. Why do we do it? Maybe because it’s easier to use a common colloquialism than it is to admit we made a bad decision. There are entire movies and fantasy-filled musings about going back into time to change the past to impact the present. We don’t need a time machine to go back twenty or thirty years to change our lives. We only need to take control and decide how we choose the next seven second opportunity will be.
#My3Cents
Sillethoughts
“Peep the ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…“
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